Slow building

Slowly it gets less frustrating. Finishing off a recent group of paintings, I felt myself breath, feeling like much like a farmer whose been working the ground and finally seeing what may be something sprouting. Over the past year I'm realizing what I've been doing with myself by upturning this comfortable, habitual painting process I had- and finding a way to progress but integrate this. The 'this' is imagination, working from the suggestions of a random brush stroke. Attempting to combine this with intentional imagery, or even working from life has been overwhelming. I'm finding it wise to set a plan with the understanding from the outset that the plan is vague and there is plenty of room to move and change within it. I suppose I see the same things I go through in painting reflected in various areas of life, and perhaps I even believe this to be one of the essential aspects of painting.
Painters primarily concerned with the final result baffle me. Though their methods do appear too methodical for me, mostly I just don't understand that. I've said and thought- I don't want to paint what I see- I want to paint what I can't see so that I get to see it. Layering the paint has been the biggest change... but jesus, I would much like to rest in an area of change for awhile and have the steady satisfaction I once did. Slow and steady..